MY DUMB YOUNG SELF

12:27


 You would think that weeks of bad weather would inspire me to look deep down in my toughts and imagination, to push out all that's been lingering in my mind on a piece of paper a blank Word page and let my fingers run trough keyboard carelessly, making days pass faster, mind lighter. It didn't.

What it did, it reminded me how boring feels like. Therefore, it made me do things I haven't done in a while, like cleaning my memory boxes before I move to the other side of the world. If I die and anyone would go trough all of those boxes, I would re-die of shame.

Back when I was still in school, we didn't yet have smart phones, or even the need to use phones as much, and we were "texting" on a piece of paper, back and fourth, hoping we wouldn't get caught by the teacher. We were doodling about how we hate school, when we'll go out, exchanging gossip, talking about guys we were crushing on, and OMG there were so many of them!! I swear by reading all of those papers, I was in love with a new guy every month. Half of the names I don't ever recognize anymore. But I do have like 10 pages in my personal diary written about how he's totally the love of my life and bla bla bla. Now I barely find someone who's interesting enough to think about and I'm crushing on the same guy for ages. Pathetic.
It was all so supeficial back then. All I was looking in a guy was his looks and the way he kiss. Both of which are still important today, but definitely lower on the list.

Anyways, besides thousands of guys I liked and talked about with my friends in between classes, the funniest thing of all of those saved written papers, is reading my sentences and seeing how my thinking and point of view has changed. I was so careless and wild and had totally different expectations of certain things. I do feel like who I am now, was who I was back then, but because of the society expectations and the desire to fit in into the unknown, I was holding back a big piece of me.

Just an example of how superficial I was. One year (doesn't say which) me and my friend each made a New Year's resolutions list of 6 things we'd like to achieve in the next year right, well three of them were about sex. Like is that what's really important to accomplish in a WHOLE year?? Haha hilarious. Really funny reading it now, but you can see why I want it all burned.

There's a big deal of these papers, these dialogs between my friends that I am going to keep, along the long letters we used to send one to another, even though we saw each other everyday in school and after (fun fact: we still do), but there are so many of dumb conversations and items that I can't wait to see burn in our fireplace while sipping on hot chocolate.

Well, got to go now, have to go start a fire!

You Might Also Like

0 komentarji