L I O N E S S

00:27

written 08/24/2017

 Today is the third morning I'm waking up as twenty -(fuckin') seven year old. Man that's INSANE! Are we even allowed to grow up this fast? I feel like it was just yesterday when I was playing in sanbox with all of my friends in kindergarten! Naah, who am I kidding, I can't even remember what I had for breakfast yesterday morning. Oh right, I had no breakfast.

For me it's not about the number or not even about getting old for that matter, but it's about where I thought I would be, oppose to of where I actually am. It's kinda pathetic, if you go and read my previous birthday posts.. always the same debate. Where I am, where I wanted to be and blah blah blah... This year for a change, I finally got the opportunity to move on to something I've been dreaming about for as long as I can remember. It goes waaaaaay back, and it's finally happening. It's a super big motivation and it brings me hope and excitement for my future. There's a time and place for everything and I'm sensing that the year of me being 27 is certainly MY time.
There's still no sight of kids or big love interest yet, which sucks, like it does everytime I think about it FYI, but I'm slowly getting towards the things I long for. Some people have luck of experiencing certain things faster than other, but I try hard to trust that everything will be even better once I'll get there.

So, this year my birthday party was LIIIIIIT (I also just finished watching suits) ! After a birthday like this year, I'm afraid not even the big 30 will be able to top it. Ok, I can't do this, I'm such a bore.
Let's start in the morning, when I almost didn't want my birthday to happen. I have no idea what hit me, but I was feeling everything but happy. Maybe it was realizing everything, maybe it was because my brother wasn't here, maybe because my dad wasn't, but I really wanted to fall asleep and wake up when it was all over. Couldn't deal with all the "happy birthdays", because I just wasn't feeling it.
Most of my birthdays start out by being sad, but after a good cry, caused by various reasons I'm not even conscious about, clearly, I start feeling "normal" again and enjoy everything I was blessed with. Not having everythingone that day, having my mom there made it all better. Also receiving and reading lovely texts, old pictures and wishes not everyone know about, made it better. So after being a big baby, me and my friends still took off to one of my favourite lakes in Slovenia, Bohinj.
One boat ride, one swim and one yummy brunch away, we continued to do all the stuff I love. We got real crazy, dressed up in sweats, started drinking wine, ofc, and it was just building up from there. Hardcore I'm telling you. From the balcony, to the kitchen and straight to the sofa, where us four and three dogs, with blankets covering us, watched Runaway bride and later on feel asleep while watching episodes of Friends, season 4. Or was it 10?
Gin was barely touched. So were the games we intended to play while getting hammered.
But it was for sure all I wished for. That and the morning in the mountains that I'm sure nothing can beat. It's funny even to me, how I share almost the same love for both nature and big city life. I keep on having lust for incompatible things. But that's a subject for another time. I'm not even sure you've managed to come this far down in the article. If you have, I bet we sometimes share the same thoughts. And that my friend, makes you a living legend.

SIGN OF THE TIMES

12:01

     written 08/16/2017

9PM.

Me: few days away from 27, cleaning my salty face, getting ready to go to bed soon.

Her: visibly in her late thirties, applying make up and making finishing touches on her outfit, presumably, for a date night with her boyfriend slash friends.

Should it be the other way around?

Well nothing is ever how it should be, that's all I know.

It was funny to see that, that's for sure. It reminded me how I used to be on my vacations. Doing someting, anything, all the time, from the beach, to drinks, more beach, this place, that place, party every night, constantly in movement.
These vacations though, it's all about relaxing BIG time. I really needed that. Good book, make-up free, early mornings on beach, lazing around, picking up figs for breakfast,..I also tried to colour one of those colouring books that are super popular right now, but it's not as relaxing as I tought it would be, because I keept going across the line?! That fuckin' pisses me off.
Still kinda fun.

Would you believe me if I told you, that today I fainted and it was probably the first strong indictator that I'm getting old? Ok ok, you wouldn't, but I really did faint, just the reason was slightly different.
I'm not 100% sure what the real reason was, but looking back at it and connecting all the dots, I can safely say it was because of dehydration. Normally I drink more than enough water everyday, besides milk and some juice here and there, water is all I drink, but for some reason, that day, I drank only sip or two. God knows why. Anyways, it was super hot, we were walking up a hill from the beach to our car to head back home, and all of a sudden I got the worst feeling in my life. I had absolutely no control over my mind or my body, and it was such a luck my mom was there and there were two nice italians passing by who helped us. Scariest moment for sure.

It's not normal for me not to have control over myself, and that's what scared me the most. I'm so used to have everything under control and before today, I never even thought of having it any other way. But things like this are supposed to happen, forcing you to get back up and reminding you to appreciate life and people around you.

It's also a reminder to stop being such an old lady at, not even 27 yet, get back out there, party a litte or at least try to stay awake after 9PM. Sheesh, I'm such a pain in the ass sometimes haha.