CHASE THE WIND

01:28


 As any holiday entushiast such as my self, decorations are always in order. Yesterday was the day I decided to turn Pinterest up side down for the best Fall and Halloween decoration ideas, started planning everything out, and opened all of  the boxes stored in the Halloween section. I also went to our shed where we kept hay for holidays as such. Little did I know I was going to experience such horror with my harmless intentions. Got my shoes on, got my sweats on and as I confidently wanted to pick up a piece of hay, a big fat mouse jumped out of it!!
A F U C K I N G mouse!! She was probably in even bigger shock than I was poor thing, my scream probably made her deaf.

I'm not scared of many things, but mouse and especially salamander freak me out!

Talking about scared, everybody keeps on asking me whether I'm scared to move to another side of the world all alone, and they are also very suprised when I say I'm not. Thats the least scary part of it. Going on my own, to a country that you (normally) can't just visit over the weekend is what excites me the most. I like being alone, but more than that, I want to see if I can make it on my own. Everything from finding appartment, doing all the papers by myself, getting a job without any help or connections. Not that is anything wrong to have help with all of that, I always had it before, but I think it's time to challenge myself a bit harder. I have absolutely no doubt I couldn't handle it, but it will be good to put words into action. Plus, when to do it if not when you're still single.

What I am scared about, is leaving my friends and family behind, knowing how fast things can change. There is never a right time to just go, but not everyone is still young, and well being of the ones I love is the most important to me. It will take some time adjusting to the fact I won't be able to be there for them in case of anything. Physically that is, I will still constantly haunt them with calls and Facebook updates haha. Do you think my baby Zeus (Zeus the dog) will remember me when I come back?? He's gonna fully grow when I'll be away :(

So no, I'm not scared of going alone. I had great experience travelling alone when I went to New York, and even though that was just a month and totally different situation, I think that was enough time to realize I can do just about anything I set my mind to. I loved it! It gave me so much strength and experience in all ways possible. I met great people, made amazing memories and it was all so easy! New York has a special place in my heart, it always had, but I kinda dare to think that where I'm going next, will have a similar effect. I like that all my options are very open, everything from what I'll do, where I'll stay, what I will see and even not knowing when, and IF, I will come back home. I love not knowing where all this will take me. Probably the most go with the flow I will ever be! We all know I'm not the most spontaneous person you'll meet. I can be, but I'm usually not.
Just in case something goes wrong at any point, it's good to know that my brother is about 6 hours away from the city I will live in. So I'll just rent a car and annoy him with my problems haha..

Anyways, I have another good month of time to spend it with my family and friends, the doggo and to really think about how the heck I'm going to pack my clothes for indefinite time! Can someone please help me with that?? #SOS

MY DUMB YOUNG SELF

12:27


 You would think that weeks of bad weather would inspire me to look deep down in my toughts and imagination, to push out all that's been lingering in my mind on a piece of paper a blank Word page and let my fingers run trough keyboard carelessly, making days pass faster, mind lighter. It didn't.

What it did, it reminded me how boring feels like. Therefore, it made me do things I haven't done in a while, like cleaning my memory boxes before I move to the other side of the world. If I die and anyone would go trough all of those boxes, I would re-die of shame.

Back when I was still in school, we didn't yet have smart phones, or even the need to use phones as much, and we were "texting" on a piece of paper, back and fourth, hoping we wouldn't get caught by the teacher. We were doodling about how we hate school, when we'll go out, exchanging gossip, talking about guys we were crushing on, and OMG there were so many of them!! I swear by reading all of those papers, I was in love with a new guy every month. Half of the names I don't ever recognize anymore. But I do have like 10 pages in my personal diary written about how he's totally the love of my life and bla bla bla. Now I barely find someone who's interesting enough to think about and I'm crushing on the same guy for ages. Pathetic.
It was all so supeficial back then. All I was looking in a guy was his looks and the way he kiss. Both of which are still important today, but definitely lower on the list.

Anyways, besides thousands of guys I liked and talked about with my friends in between classes, the funniest thing of all of those saved written papers, is reading my sentences and seeing how my thinking and point of view has changed. I was so careless and wild and had totally different expectations of certain things. I do feel like who I am now, was who I was back then, but because of the society expectations and the desire to fit in into the unknown, I was holding back a big piece of me.

Just an example of how superficial I was. One year (doesn't say which) me and my friend each made a New Year's resolutions list of 6 things we'd like to achieve in the next year right, well three of them were about sex. Like is that what's really important to accomplish in a WHOLE year?? Haha hilarious. Really funny reading it now, but you can see why I want it all burned.

There's a big deal of these papers, these dialogs between my friends that I am going to keep, along the long letters we used to send one to another, even though we saw each other everyday in school and after (fun fact: we still do), but there are so many of dumb conversations and items that I can't wait to see burn in our fireplace while sipping on hot chocolate.

Well, got to go now, have to go start a fire!

THE BOOK CLUB - WONDER

05:42



 In the expectation of the movie, and high recommendation for the book, I decided to give it a try during my summer vacation on the Croatian coast, and read it before I see the movie. I didn't even know about this book prior seeing the movie trailer and I'm so glad I got this in my hands!

R. J. Palacio - Wonder

Suprisingly the book was much easier read than I expected at first. Being aware of Auggie's condition from the begining, I was constantly tense for something very bad to happen. What was happening to him was bad, but it didn't go in the direction where my first thoughts went. 
It's a beautiful story about being different, dealing with that and in the end, being accepted for who you are as a person, and not for how you look like. I feel like, being different is OK, but it's also OK for people needing some time to adjust to that difference. What is not ok, and it never will be, is being mean twoards people who are different, just because it's not something you're used to.

What I liked the most, is that the book gives other characters their own little chapters, explaining their side of the story. You get to see how everyone around him is dealing with the same issue in a totally different way. It's an easy read, beautiful read and it leaves you warm hearted. Definitely worth a read.

Now I'm even more thrilled to see te movie! Plus, my favourite Julia Roberts plays in it, wohoo :))

Have any of you read the book? Did you like it?

What should I read next?? Any recommendations would be great! :)

27 and unemployed

02:17

written 09/01/2017

 There's a slilver lining in everything we at first think it's the worst. Of course when something bad happens, right at that moment, nothing seems to make it better and all you think about, is how your world and all of your plans just fell apart. After talking about it and getting everything out of your sistem, you begin to see the good in the bad.
Like for instance, it's September the first, and if I was still employed, I wouldn't be enjoying this totally Fallish day and a cup of tiramisu for breakfast. It also wouldn't be a start of first Friday in forever, which is followed by Saturday AND Sunday when I don't have to go to work - at all! For the last year and a half, every weekend was a working weekend. Imagine the joy.
Another silver lining is that I don't have to deal about stuff that's not worth half a fuck.

Yesterday, the last day of August was (sadly) also the last day of celebrating my birthday, and the silver lining in that, is that the amount of junk food gets reduced by a milion! Haha, ok enough with the silver lining! But for real I'm sad all the celebrations are over because I love how everyone took the time, got together and you know, just had fun. I'm grateful for all the birthday love and the people I can share it with. As long as I have that, I don't mind being unemployed. But not for too long, because I do get bored, and momma need some money. Man, money sucks!

Unemployed or not, plans change all the time and I'll just make the best of it. I'm still super excited for what's comming next for me and I can't wait to tell you all! Now, if you don't mind, on a day like this, I'll be updating my closet, summer stuff OUT and Fall stuff IN! Yay!! #teamFall

L I O N E S S

00:27

written 08/24/2017

 Today is the third morning I'm waking up as twenty -(fuckin') seven year old. Man that's INSANE! Are we even allowed to grow up this fast? I feel like it was just yesterday when I was playing in sanbox with all of my friends in kindergarten! Naah, who am I kidding, I can't even remember what I had for breakfast yesterday morning. Oh right, I had no breakfast.

For me it's not about the number or not even about getting old for that matter, but it's about where I thought I would be, oppose to of where I actually am. It's kinda pathetic, if you go and read my previous birthday posts.. always the same debate. Where I am, where I wanted to be and blah blah blah... This year for a change, I finally got the opportunity to move on to something I've been dreaming about for as long as I can remember. It goes waaaaaay back, and it's finally happening. It's a super big motivation and it brings me hope and excitement for my future. There's a time and place for everything and I'm sensing that the year of me being 27 is certainly MY time.
There's still no sight of kids or big love interest yet, which sucks, like it does everytime I think about it FYI, but I'm slowly getting towards the things I long for. Some people have luck of experiencing certain things faster than other, but I try hard to trust that everything will be even better once I'll get there.

So, this year my birthday party was LIIIIIIT (I also just finished watching suits) ! After a birthday like this year, I'm afraid not even the big 30 will be able to top it. Ok, I can't do this, I'm such a bore.
Let's start in the morning, when I almost didn't want my birthday to happen. I have no idea what hit me, but I was feeling everything but happy. Maybe it was realizing everything, maybe it was because my brother wasn't here, maybe because my dad wasn't, but I really wanted to fall asleep and wake up when it was all over. Couldn't deal with all the "happy birthdays", because I just wasn't feeling it.
Most of my birthdays start out by being sad, but after a good cry, caused by various reasons I'm not even conscious about, clearly, I start feeling "normal" again and enjoy everything I was blessed with. Not having everythingone that day, having my mom there made it all better. Also receiving and reading lovely texts, old pictures and wishes not everyone know about, made it better. So after being a big baby, me and my friends still took off to one of my favourite lakes in Slovenia, Bohinj.
One boat ride, one swim and one yummy brunch away, we continued to do all the stuff I love. We got real crazy, dressed up in sweats, started drinking wine, ofc, and it was just building up from there. Hardcore I'm telling you. From the balcony, to the kitchen and straight to the sofa, where us four and three dogs, with blankets covering us, watched Runaway bride and later on feel asleep while watching episodes of Friends, season 4. Or was it 10?
Gin was barely touched. So were the games we intended to play while getting hammered.
But it was for sure all I wished for. That and the morning in the mountains that I'm sure nothing can beat. It's funny even to me, how I share almost the same love for both nature and big city life. I keep on having lust for incompatible things. But that's a subject for another time. I'm not even sure you've managed to come this far down in the article. If you have, I bet we sometimes share the same thoughts. And that my friend, makes you a living legend.

SIGN OF THE TIMES

12:01

     written 08/16/2017

9PM.

Me: few days away from 27, cleaning my salty face, getting ready to go to bed soon.

Her: visibly in her late thirties, applying make up and making finishing touches on her outfit, presumably, for a date night with her boyfriend slash friends.

Should it be the other way around?

Well nothing is ever how it should be, that's all I know.

It was funny to see that, that's for sure. It reminded me how I used to be on my vacations. Doing someting, anything, all the time, from the beach, to drinks, more beach, this place, that place, party every night, constantly in movement.
These vacations though, it's all about relaxing BIG time. I really needed that. Good book, make-up free, early mornings on beach, lazing around, picking up figs for breakfast,..I also tried to colour one of those colouring books that are super popular right now, but it's not as relaxing as I tought it would be, because I keept going across the line?! That fuckin' pisses me off.
Still kinda fun.

Would you believe me if I told you, that today I fainted and it was probably the first strong indictator that I'm getting old? Ok ok, you wouldn't, but I really did faint, just the reason was slightly different.
I'm not 100% sure what the real reason was, but looking back at it and connecting all the dots, I can safely say it was because of dehydration. Normally I drink more than enough water everyday, besides milk and some juice here and there, water is all I drink, but for some reason, that day, I drank only sip or two. God knows why. Anyways, it was super hot, we were walking up a hill from the beach to our car to head back home, and all of a sudden I got the worst feeling in my life. I had absolutely no control over my mind or my body, and it was such a luck my mom was there and there were two nice italians passing by who helped us. Scariest moment for sure.

It's not normal for me not to have control over myself, and that's what scared me the most. I'm so used to have everything under control and before today, I never even thought of having it any other way. But things like this are supposed to happen, forcing you to get back up and reminding you to appreciate life and people around you.

It's also a reminder to stop being such an old lady at, not even 27 yet, get back out there, party a litte or at least try to stay awake after 9PM. Sheesh, I'm such a pain in the ass sometimes haha.